on my mom

my mom and i have an interesting relationship. it’s complicated and contains a lot of emotional turmoil form years of arguing and fighting. ever since my dad passed away a few years ago we have made drastic moves to attempt to be closer. She’s stepped up and is trying to fill the shoes of my dad (the person who raised me and her long time divorced partner) and im trying to accept my mom as my primary parental unit.

recently, with the impending date of graduation (an 8 year long journey in undergrad) coming up in the next couple months, my mom has been on my mind a lot.


here are a few things about my mom you should know:

-my mom is my number one fan and my number one critic. for every good moment in my life my mom has been the first one to critique it in the very next breath. the scenario usually plays out like this:

“ma! i won an award at school!”

“good job! why you no win award before?”

“ma! i got the internship i wanted!”

“oh! good job! why you no get job? you know, good money!”

“vera, you look skinny. you lose weight?!”

“hmm, maybe.”

“lose more weight”

-you can count on my mom for gossip, no matter the day or time, she’s got it for you.

-my mom loves to watch reality television. and were not talking the biggest loser or survivor. my mom loves the show, shark tank, with a ferocity that she shows for few things in life. my mom loves a get rich quick story like no other; she believes in them.

-my mom has this ability to pick up on vibes very well. i can call her and she can just hear my breathing and pinpoint what’s going on in my life. it wasn’t always like this, for much of my life my mom wasn’t tuned into my emotions very well and this has recently happened after she moved to a different country.

-language is the biggest barrier for my mother and i. english is not her first language and i speak minimal korean (a fact that saddens me constantly). we communicate through our own language that we have created through years of maneuvering and manipulating the english language to fit our needs.

-my mom has lived in three different continents.

-marriage is the basis for all things good for my mom. a fact that i disagree with and a belief that she pushes constantly. a point of contention between us.

-it wasn’t until this year that i realized that the qualities about myself that i find to be my best and strongest come from my mother.

so. thanks ma.



2 thoughts on “on my mom

  1. Love this. Also, love the blog in general. Can’t wait to get a chance to see you and Chad soon! (Tiago sends his love!)

  2. You know, I swore I was following your blog but now that I am browsing I realize perhaps I was not — my reader hasn’t shown any of these posts, so I am sad. I want to subscribe.

    And, in response to this post, I say thank you. It is scary to admit things that are painful and mature to acknowledge that they must be confronted and that while you can’t change a person, you can learn to draw from them the things that are good for you.

    I hope as you grow in your relationship with your Mom that you get more of what you want and are able to feel more love.

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